April 14, 2012

There are only two ways to handle any problem, either face it or avoid it

Hello guys,

Here are details of Bangalore SHG meet up – April 14 2012. Today was
another great day. We had 10 attendees and 3 special guests.
Theme of meet up – 'Share moments in your life when you expected
people should not had reacted on your speech problem.'

Attendees - Dinesh, Karthik,  Jitu, Chandan, Murli, Chandra Shekhar,
Pavan, Alok, Anbu and myself Abhinav.

Our Guests – Today we had 3 guests Chinnu, Sujatha and Anitha. These
girls are doing B.Ed and also teaching children with disability. As
part of their B.Ed degree they are preparing report of how various SHG
(Self Help groups) are helping adults to overcome different problems
in life. Our guests were interested to see how our SHG works So they
called Dinesh and came to our SHG meet up. It was good to have them as
for the first time in our SHG meet ups in Bangalore we were going to
speak in front of people who consider themselves normal and fluent
speakers :)

                We started with slow reading for half an hour. Then all three guests
introduced themselves. Today D Boy (Dinesh) brought “Noise Breaker”.
Its like headphone and when you plug it into ears you will not listen
outside sounds. It was really good experiment. Every week D Boy
surprises us with his methods and experiments. Every participant had
to follow these steps
a) Sit on chair.
b) Plug in noise breaker into ears
c) Close eyes
d) Start sharing past moments

                Every stammerer has past full of griefs, broken dreams and
humiliation. Personally I do not like to go into past. I do not recall
bad moments of past as it will make me feel bad only. I will again
start cursing my self. So I try to avoid recalling bad moments as I
already have lots of happy moments in past and recalling happy moments
of past will make my day.

                Our first participant never miss chance to talk to girls :).
Yesterday he went to McDonalds. In SHG meet ups he learnt  – 'Talk,
talk and talk. Never miss any opportunity to talk with others'. He was
alone and after ordering his food he saw a girl sitting alone so he
went to her and started talking ( His goal was not to flirt, he just
wanted to talk with some one :) ). He asked girl about her view on
people who stammers. Girl's answer was really shocking. She said PWS
are mentally retarded (She was beauty without brain). Participant was
shocked. Then he explained  to girl why people stammers. Stammering is
just one aspect of life. It does not mean that we are not normal
people. No one in this world is 100 % perfect. When educated people
talk like this it really hurts. But this guy at last changed the view
point of this girl and was really happy. Kudos to him :)

                I am providing list of common points told by all the participants
1) Problem in introduction– Its common problem with all stammers. When
our relatives, strangers, people with higher authorities ask our name,
we are totally stuck. We feel guilty and we get depressed. We think
that even auto walla and sabji walla can talk properly then  why not
us and we started cursing ourselves like any thing. One of the participant,
told us very good point why PWS get stuck in speaking their name. There is no
filler word for your name. You can not use any other word for your
name. PWS use lot of fillers words so that they can show the world
that they do not stammer, but this only makes our stammering worse,
worse and worse. One of the group members, advised us to not use fillers words.
Focus on direct and to the point communication. We help each other a lot with our
past experiences and we can learn a lot from each other.

2) Problem in giving presentations– PWS stammers a lot while giving
presentations. Two of our participants was not able to speak even a
single word while giving presentations in college and IT company.
Again  the same thing, they cursed themselves like any thing. They
were not able to speak and their HOD and manager asked them to come
back to seat. It was natural for that HOD and manager. They did not
want to make participants feel bad. One of the participant,
had very good explanation for this. According to him people by nature are kind ,
so when these participants stammered they called them back. But instead of calling
them back HOD and manager should have given time to them so that they
can speak what ever they wanted to say. By calling them back to seat
they broke participants' confidence. It happens always. When a child
student stammers in class while reading, teachers make him sit down.
This approach is totally wrong. Instead of making them sit down we
should give them some time. PWS do not need sympathy. They just want
some extra time.

3) Problem while talking to higher authorities and clients– Almost all
participants had problem in speaking to team leaders, managers,
clients. One participant stammered badly during induction training in
his recent company. But participants also said that their colleagues,
team leaders are really helpful and they let them complete their
sentences. There will be some people who will take all credits of your
work but there are good people also. They will always support  to some

4) Problem during campus placements and interviews.
                These were key points of the introduction section.  By this time our
guests were getting late for meeting other SHGs so they left. We still
had one hour left and our next section was debate and our topic was
'Simple marriage Vs Expensive marriage'. Dinesh is married and he was
curious to know how many participants believe in expensive marriage so
that he can attend those marriages and have good food :) :)

                We formed two groups. One group had to speak in favor of simple
marriage and other group had to speak in favor of  expensive marriage.
We noted down our points in paper so that we could explain clearly
what we wanted to say. It was heated discussion and we had lot of
arguments. Main thing was every participant put his point and it was
really great to see so many different opinions.

                It was great meet up guys. It was really good to see so many
participants today. Thanks to the Co-ordinator. He is really active and every
Friday he calls to every one for attending meet up without fail. If we
cant find just 3 hours for ourselves in the whole week then what can
we do in life. No matter how much you earn but if you are not able to
find time for your self, you are not living life to fullest. Result of
attending meet ups will be fruitful and one day we will be able to
overcome our problem. Many in Bangalore SHG stand testimony to this fact.
Our Motto– 'There are only two ways to handle  any
problem, either face it or avoid it'.  These meet ups change our mind-set
and here we prepare ourselves for facing the problem. We can
overcome our problem only be facing it :) :)

                Personally I want to add some points which I feel will be really
helpful for PWS. This is just my opinion
a) Do not curse your self for stammering. Many people in this world
cant even speak. If we will curse ourselves we will not be able to
overcome our problem.
b) Do not recall bad moments in past. We all have lots of good moments
in past like our first job, our first salary, our first kiss, when we
got scholarship etc etc. Recall only those moments and believe me it
will make your day.

                This was end of another great meet up. Great to see you guys. Kudos
to Dinesh and all the participants for making this meet up a success.
See you next time and ping me at abhinav.singh8@yahoo.com if you want
to interact with me or you are not agree with me in any point.
Comments are always welcome  :) :)

Write-up by Abhinav.

P.S To start shg or participate in a shg meeting in your city please follow the below link


Dinesh said...

Yet another master-piece from you Abhinav. In a very candid way you have painted the picture of Bangalore SHG.

With great effort and skill you have woven the words perfectly which not only gives information but inspires others to take some action. Well done "A" Boy!! :-)

Abhinav said...

@Dinesh yes "D" Boy it will be great if my post inspires others :) . We have already taken the first step and goal is not that far now :)

pavan said...

amazing write up abhinav .. all points were covered to fullest extent , portrayal of the entire meet was amazing as well

Rajesh V said...

:) Nice to know the activities in Banglore SHG.
Good going...

With Regards.

Er. Umesh said...

Nicee post Dinesh..you really explained very well. thanks for sharing!!